Moth

I am a moth
and I am dusted
in the silvery anticipation
that keeps hope alive

I am one of a million
and one in a million

Drawn to the light
of your heart
and the warmth
of your soul

I travel onward
into and out of the darkness
losing my way
only to find it again
when I least expect to

More questions than answers
More answers than questions

Sunny winter day

I turn onto the path
crushed limestone
freshened and graded
prepared for winter grooming
This same trail is used year round
I anticipate the start of
cross country ski season

The sun is out
it is above the freezing mark
only a slight breeze
just enough to ruffle and lift
a leaf here and there

I meet no-one for a mile or so
No birds calling or perching either
I hear only intermittent
shuffling every now and then
a started squirrel or chipmunk
I imagine

The crisp crackle of spent leaves
underfoot, they release
that smell of autumn's end
and that scent mingles in the breeze
with the unmistakable perfume
that announces snow is on the way

PATTERNS II - Free Assoc Group 2018.03.03

I step and I count
I can count to one hundred
Then I start again
My clinical mind takes over
and tells me the number of steps
I take in about a minute
and tells me the number of steps
I take in about a mile
I have always done this
Elementary school
waiting for the bus
I knew how many steps
to the bottom of the drive
I counted them every morning
And they always stayed the same
Every space I have lived in
any place with levels
I knew how many steps
to the top of the stairs
I counted them every time
And they always stayed the same

Even now

I know how many steps from
My doorway to my car
From my car to the doorway
of wherever I end up

If I have never been there before
I feel that touch of excitement

A new distance to count
And to commit to memory
In order to challenge myself
Next time I happen to be there

I am not one of those crazies
those peculiar folks

who turn lights off 5 times
before leaving the house

Or have to go back to make sure
the oven is off
the iron is off

I just enjoy the silly math
that goes through my head

It is not just the counting
I see points and arrows

Misc.

All the colors of heaven and earth
float across the universe of your eyes

The pattern of chaos is painted
in music across the skies

I can take this, you know
I can take this hell
and I can turn it into heaven

Every end is a beginning
A beginning to an end

The truth of it all is that
nothing is real
All reflection and perception

Shadow forms that can see the future
but are too clever to tell it
But they can see the past and do tell
the truth that hides within

There are trap doors and tunnels
that lead to secrets and treasure

Bring me secrets and lies
on a tray to my bed
Feed them to me while smiling
And no matter what's said
Never let me dispute
What's come out of your head

Yesterday, a year from now.
Today, a year ago.
Tomorrow, a year ago.
Today, a year from now.

Driftwood

I have floated here
from other lands
riding the swelling waters
languid and without care
tossed about with the
foam-edged waves

The current brought me
close and pulled me out
and finally pushed me ashore
bumped me against the sand
absent-mindedly leaving me
as it turns to other things

I am dark and swollen
salt water saturated
the tide rolls me up further
on to the beach and
I find myself firmly
set into the sand

I am burnt and bleached
by the unending sun

______

Fractured
Shattered
Cracked into pieces
Out of my mind
Inside my head
Alone in the crowd
Can't stand my own company

Broken and hollow
and turned inside out

Floating 2

Floating by

A leaf, a feather

A stream has it's own purpose

The leaf, the feather

seemingly random things

but are they really?

If a leaf floating by

beautiful in its autumn colors

or curled at the edges from

premature death

floats by for me or you to see

and I have a thought

and the thought is important somehow

or just provocative

or just lovely to behold

Is it really being carried along

for no other reason than

There it fell and there it is carried?

A leaf passing through one's

field of vision can be

just the thing to spark a thought

a thought that could change the world

a thought that could change the viewer

a thought, plain and simple

Thoughts change us

they can present solutions

they can present other issues

they can represent the entirety

of what we have or want or need

It's funny what happens

Funny? Maybe not funny

It's interesting, intriguing

frightening, emboldening

Nothing would be anything

We would never advance as a species

If we did not have these sorts

of thoughts from having a glimpse

of a thing, and action,

look at your fears

Look at your fears
they don't lead you, they follow
Shouting from behind or
plastered onto you and
whispering unknowns
deep into your ear

I will look beyond all that
I will look beyond all this

Everyone acting as if
today is just like yesterday
nothing further from the truth
nothing closer to the past
nothing beyond the horizon that is
nothing inside that what is not

Sun goes down and
you're putting your face on
like there are others to look at you
I see you as you really are

Bare-faced and afraid
but you are beautiful as you are
and you need not be afraid
We are here together
Although we oft forget
We are here together

Once Again

Once again,
I am doing nothing and I don't care

Once again,
I am doing nothing and I tell myself I am worthless for doing so

Once again,
I am being inspired by someone to follow my dreams and desires
and
I feel shame for not already being in the midst of the action
and
I tell myself that what I do could not be compared because it is not good enough
and
it never will be

Goddammit.
Here is the reality:
Nobody cares but me.
Why judge myself and become the jailer and executioner?
Why stop before I start?
Why hate myself so?
Why so much disdain?

Because
I hate how I am
I hate that I have let myself become this
I hate that I hate myself so strongly because of it.