Can't stop thinking about you and your untouchable face

I wish that forever included today
It starts tomorrow, always
It means never-ending
Except in certain circumstances

I wish that forever included today
That it included our time we never had together
Even if it doesn't last forever
The memory lasts ad infinitum

   You are with me, I am with you
   Always and forever, and ever
   We are together, forever together
   Always and forever, and ever and ever

I wish that forever included today
Today is the day that I last thought of you
Only a moment ago, in fact
I can never stop thinking about you

   You are with me, I am with you
   Always and forever, and ever
   We are together, forever together
   Always and forever, and ever and ever

Bowie

i heard the news, i read the news
i can't accept, it don't compute

how can you be gone
how could you have left me here
all alone

stuck down here on land
looking up at your twinkling eyes
stuck down here in the sand
watching you move across the skies

i'm left alone and blue and hollow
there's never been anyone better to follow
than you - than you

sighs and cries
all round the world

Something That Was Missing

SOMETHING THAT WAS MISSING

HERE I AM - ON MY OWN
ONCE AGAIN - ALL ALONE
BUT I DON'T MIND - NO I DON'T MIND
THERE YOU GO - BEING YOU
SAYING THINGS - WE KNOW AIN'T TRUE
BUT I KNOW ALL ABOUT YOU - AND YOU KNOW I DO

YEAH, YOU WERE THE SOMETHING THAT WAS MISSING ALL ALONG
AND YOU WERE THE EMPTY SPACE I COULDN'T FILL WITH MY SONGS
AND NOW I CAN, I CAN, I AM, I AM

THERE WE WERE - PLAYING NICE
PRETENDING WE - WERE IN PARADISE
WELL WE CAN FOOL ME ONCE - BUT WE CAN'T FOOL ME TWICE
FOUND MYSELF - I WAS WITH ME ALL ALONG
IF YOU THINK YOU'RE ALL ALONE - WELL YOU COULDN'T BE MORE WRONG
SING YOUR SONG, SING YOUR SONG - YOU'LL FIND WE'RE SINGING ALONG

YEAH, YOU WERE THE SOMETHING THAT WAS MISSING ALL ALONG
AND YOU WERE THE EMPTY SPACE i COULDN'T FILL WITH MY SONGS
YOU WERE THE FOOLISH ONE WHO TOOK ME FOR A FOOL
AND YOU ARE THE LONELY ONE WHO FORGOT THE GOLDEN RULE

Trapped In My Head

TRAPPED IN MY HEAD
Something trapped inside my head, something trying to stay unsaid
D'you think that's right? That we try as we might to keep things tight inside
When it's best to let them free, let them fly, let them free, let them fly
I have stories to go round the room, some are gloom and some are doom
And some are good old-fashioned tales of things that shan't be shared
How can i tell you what's yet to be said
How can you say that you'd rather be dead
How can they think that they know what is best
How can we know what they say isn't true
Just when i think i'm going nowhere
i see i'm not going anyplace at all

Margaret who loves Sy - Protagonist Game from The Writer's Toolbox

Margaret who loves Sy
The barista at Starbucks
Wears a disguise
To find true love

Margaret found love one day. One very normal day of the week when she least expected it. She walked to the counter to order her beverage, a cold press with light ice and 2% milk. That's all. No flavor or espresso shot. Just cold press coffee with a little ice and a little milk. She noticed he was new. He had a temporary nametag on. He had written it by hand that morning with multi-colored markers. It simply said "Sy" surrounded by little squiggles and dots. He gave her the total and then asked if she was going on an adventure today. It took her by surprise. She stopped and looked at him. "You know what? I'm on the way to see my therapist. So, yeah, I'm going on a kind of adventure," she replied. He smiled and said he hoped it would be a good journey. He then gave Margaret her change. She wished him a nice day and she really meant it.

What's in the box? What's in the box?

Random music choices tonight: Regina Spektor, XTC, Beethoven, and of course Bowie and Eno. I feel like writing but I can't stay up late. MRI at the crack of dawn.

You are always in my heart. You and I, we can never part.

There's a panic in knowing and not knowing.

Life is like the warm, soothing waters of the bath.
Life is like the frigid, jarring waters of the spring.
Life is like the rippling eddy, the waters of the slow-moving river.
Life is like the crashing wave, the waters against the rocky shores.
Life is like a drought.
Life is like a bruise.

Dragging along, my heart on the floor
Smashed into pieces, beating no more

The illusion of rights
The illusion of rights

Moldy oranges - Sixth Sense card from Writer's Toolbox

I work in the retail food business. Usually the day goes by with nothing to really shake things up. I'm here to tell you though that it is the little things that can make or break a day, an hour, a transaction, a moment.

People leave their little coffee cups and sample cups all over the store, like they are hiding things for a scavenger hunt.
People will do things in the bathroom that will shut it down for over an hour to clean and sanitize it for the next person to do God knows what in.

And then there are the spills and spoils.

The spills are usually quick to be cleaned up and the evidence is whisked into the backroom and out to the dumpster.
The spoils. The spoils are a constant in this business. And since we are a benevolent company, we donate all unsellable food to the food shelf.

The exception is when produce is well past it's prime. You haven't been grossed out until you stick your thumb into a rotten potato or a moldy orange. You can't get that smell off your hands and out of your nose until you do some heavy duty scrubbing and get the hell away from the soft and stinky culprit.

Then you go out to the sales floor and help the next customer. Repeat, repeat, repeat.

Sixth Sense Card - Moldy oranges, 3 minutes (more like 5)

What's it all about, the screaming and the shouting? Don't ask me cuz I don't know.

Tomorrow
I leap off the cliff
I fall from the sky
I run with the bulls

Tomorrow
I look you in the eye
I tell you what I think
I see you as you are

Tomorrow
I lose my inhibitions
I have the confidence
I gain my sense of worth

Stop talking about suicide, you're making me think about it too.

You keep saying how much you don't care. About how you want to give up because you've got nothing to believe in. You are in "the program" and that entails a lot of God talk. You either need to embrace it or find something else to believe in. You need something to believe in, your higher power. You also need to find something inside your SELF to believe in. You've got to love yourself. You've got to love SOMETHING about yourself.

2:47 am heartburn

No, there's nothing deep about the title. It just happens to be 2:47 and I woke up with horrendous heartburn. I've been getting it a lot in the past week or two. Medication change? New med is Celebrex and a med change of an increase in Lexapro. Don't know how much bearing that has on it.

Just looked up the side effects of Celebrex. I should be taking it with food. I guess I need to make time and the effort to eat breakfast. I take a total of 11 pills and capsules in the mornings, everything from bi-polar meds to turmeric supplements. I should be eating something. It's hard to start that routine though.

10 PM Pizza is a bad idea

My therapist tells me to HALT when I feel like binge eating. That means I am supposed to question my hunger. Am I Hungry, Angry, Lonely or Tired? I feel like Am I Bored needs to be part of that but it would mess up the acronym.

I'm finding myself drawn to pizza and sweets really strongly lately and I've been giving in. I ordered a pizza at 9:30 the other night. I could have had soup....but no. I had to order a large deep-dish pizza from Jet's. It's the best pizza around. I had some that night, a piece in the wee hours of the morning, a piece for breakfast and the remainder for dinner that night. So it fed me for 24 hours. But still. I have soup. I could have had soup. Or cereal. I don't think it helps if I'm getting high just for the hell of it either.

I went to MN's largest candy store with a friend 2 days ago. It was mainly a little daytime road trip. It was amazing. And they have the largest collection of puzzles in either the US or the world. So I brought home a box full of candy. Everything from gummi grapefruit to chocolate & coconut haystacks. Zotz, Pez, Charleston Chew, Necco Wafers, divinity pecan roll, Zero bar. I could have come home with more but they only take cash and I only brought $50 with me. I spent $50 on candy. What the hell???

Bowie and a buzz

I never know what to say.
Don't know what to do with my hands.
Sometimes I envy people their comfort.

I know it's nothing wrong with me.
I understand everyone has the same feels.
Sometimes I envy people their comfort.